Eygpt

Solid walls built in ancient times
Broken into pieces that mummified my existence. Like pharoah I layed dead until my tomb was senseless. With no will to live but the thrill of dying...

Converse sneakers

All she wanted was to travel the world in dirty converse  sneakers. Take pictures of  monuments,  draw her name in the red sand. Eat african fruits and wear a headwrap. Immerse herself in different cultures

Lay on the beach eat local cusines, write, get henna tatoos, listen to music, ride a bicycle, swim, hike
And learn a new language. 

But instead she was stuck in her bedroom dreaming. Having tried her best to leave her God forsaken township she has failed miserably.
All she has is a head full of dreams none coming true...

What if ...

When it's all said and done. It's those moments you sit alone and think of what went wrong? If only  you could've done this or that. But would it have  made a difference?
Often times we don't have control over the situation and even though we try to fix it we end up failing.

But what if ...

Even after all your efforts there still a little voice that keeps saying but what if..

In the end you sit up frustrated with tears that you won't fall waiting for an answer that isn't there.
And you eventually close your eyes and go to sleep hoping that tomorrow will be better.
That the night will bring light but instead it brings more confusion and an endless list of what if's

Hums

He hummed a song to me once.
Told me he learned it from his grandfather. He would pull up a chair near the coal stove take out his pipe, light it and would slowly go into a trance. He'd tell me about the good old  days and how he's been working since the age of five.
And how he ran away from home at the age of twelve when the abuse became unbearable.
In between our conversation he'd keep quiet and bow his head. In an attempt to fight back the tears.

Grandma would eventually call us to the dinning room to eat. I would always get up and leave him behind. So he could wipe his tears.

I never saw him cry...

Dreams

I asked father if he dreamed about you he said every day. Which gave me the reassurance that I wasn’t the only one missing you.  I wake up to a soaking pillow and uncontrollable sobs almost every day.  Hoping it would be dream and that you would turn around rub my back and tell me to go back to sleep.

But all I’m confronted with is an empty pillow and unbearable darkness.

I don’t know how long it will take to move on.  To remember you without tears in my eyes or how a many dreams I will have of you. All I hope for is that one day I remain in the dream with you and never experience the hurt of waking up and you not being there

Slipping away

When your weak and frail
Low and sad
Tired and drained
And life is a pain
That irks your soul
And words fail
And sleep no longer gives rest
And your eyes have no tears
And you can longer talk
And  you shiver like leaf on a rainy day
And numbness is all you feel
All you will have is you
So be gentle with yourself